Blood of Me, part 4
by Courtney
Summary: After finding out that she’s not who she thought she was, Tess Anderson sets out on a cross-countr


Title: Blood of Me 

Author: Courtney 

Email: MsDawCreek@aol.com 

Rating: R 

Summary: After finding out that she's not who she thought she was, Tess Anderson sets out on a cross-country journey towards the past she never knew she had. 

Disclaimer: I own them. Please send money. 

Distribution: If you post my fics already then yes. If you don't and you want to then just ask. 

Thanks: First and foremost to Candy and Court, who listened to my whole drawn out description of this story with rapt attention as always and gave me their respected opinions. I don't know how you guys put up with me dear hearts, but I'm sure glad that you do! Also, the RAC chicks, who write such GREAT fic and who always do me the honor of reading my fic and giving me feedback. And a special mention to bec, whose fic Bird in A Gilded Cage inspired me to want to write something different. You are all amazing and I don't know where me and my obsession would be without you! :-) 

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Part 4 

Well I could keep it above But then it wouldn't be sky anymore So if I send it to you you've got to promise to keep it whole Buy the sky and sell the sky and lift your arms up to the sky And ask the sky and ask the sky Don't fall on me Fall on me Fall on me . . . 

--Fall On Me by REM 

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The dark-haired girl looked down at the baby she held close, then back to the young man who stood before her. "No, there's no way I can give her away," she told him definitively. 

"It's the only way to keep her safe," he protested. "You have to." 

"I can't . . ." she said. She looked back down at the baby and tears spilled down her pale cheeks. "She's just . . . she's so perfect . . . so beautiful. And I love her . . . God, so much." She looked back to the man again. "I've never loved anyone or anything the way I love her. She loves me no matter what. She's *mine*! I can't just throw that away." 

He nodded his understanding. He knew exactly how she felt. Still, he knew that her choice was already made. It had been made for her long before this moment. Keeping this child would only put them all in danger. The only way to ensure the little girl's safety was to get her as far away from them as possible. 

"I know you love her," he said gently as he sat down on the bed beside the distraught young woman. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against him. "I love her, too. She's a part of me, too, you know." She looked up at him then and gave a sad smile. She knew that he understood, but she still hated to hear his next words. "She's not safe with us, you know that as well as I do." 

"I know," she said as she nodded her head and sniffled. "I know that." 

"I'd do anything in the word to let her stay with you, really I would. If only there were some way, but . . ." he trailed off as he looked down at the precious baby. She slept peacefully in her mother's arms, unaware of the turmoil she had thrown all of their lives into. 

"I don't regret having her," the girl said as she sniffled. "She's . . . she's the best thing I've ever done." 

"I know that, sweetie, I know," he soothed as he rubbed her arm lightly. 

"I'll call Ms. Heath and tell her I've decided," she said softly. 

"I can do it if you want me to," he offered. 

"No, it's best that only I be involved," she said. "Besides, I want . . ." she choked back a sob before continuing, "I want to be there to see her one last time." She ran the backs of her fingers down the baby's soft cheek and smiled sadly at her daughter. 

The man at her side could do nothing. He just watched her with the child and felt his heart break. He'd always hated to see her hurting and this was by far the worst hurt she'd ever endured. It tore him in two to watch her have to do this . . . but it was the only way. 

"Let me get her things together," she said softly. "I'll meet you downstairs." 

He nodded and got up. He would have argued that he could do that, but he knew it was important to her. They'd spent a good deal of the morning arguing about whether or not she would keep the little girl and, though she was still adamantly against it, he knew now that she had made up her mind. She knew that the only way to save her little girl was to let her go. He decided to give her some time alone with the baby before they left. "I'll wait in the car," he told her and she just nodded and kept her eyes on the child as he left. 

When he'd gone, she got up to get the suitcase that was tucked away in the back of her closet. She'd lived alone in this place for months, always hoping that somehow things would work out; somehow she'd get to keep her precious little Tessa and he'd come for her and they'd go live happily ever after somewhere far away from Roswell, New Mexico . . . 

No such luck, she thought as she set the sleeping baby into her bassinet while she took her clothes from the tiny closet and packed them quickly. Her knight in shining armor had not arrived to sweep her away to fairytale land. Not that she had really believed he would, but she had still hoped. Hope had been all she had for all those months . . . hope and Tessa. And now both would be lost to her forever. 

She zipped up her suitcase and set it on the floor just as Tessa began to wake. She gave a little cry to let her mother know that she'd woken and the woman went quickly to her child. Picking her up, she cradled the little girl close to her and sat on the bed again. 

"Hello my baby," she cooed to the little girl. "Yes, hello sweet girl," she said softly. The baby smiled at her mother and gurgled happily. The woman's smile faded. "We have to go now, baby girl. I have to take you to . . . to your new home. There's a nice mommy and daddy that just can't wait to see you." Her tears spilled down her cheeks again, but she wiped at them stubbornly and continued speaking to the baby, knowing that the little girl would not understand but still needing to explain her actions. 

"Mommy loves you, sweetie. I love you so much . . . I just . . . you aren't safe with me. You can never be safe with . . ." Her tears got the best of her and she stopped speaking to draw in a deep breath. When she had calmed a little, she continued. "I will love you forever, Tessa, forever and ever. I'll never forget you. And I'll make sure you're taken care of, I promise you that. You'll never be alone, never." 

The baby had stopped smiling, seeming to pick up on her mother's despair. She wasn't crying, but just looked up at the woman with what she could have sworn was a sad expression. It was almost as if she really did understand . . . 

"You'll be happy, Tessa. These people will love you and care for you and you'll always be safe there. You'll be just like everyone else . . . just like it should be." She wiped her cheeks again and picked the baby up to lay her tiny head on her shoulder. "Please don't hate me," she whispered as she pressed her hand to the baby's back and squeezed her own eyes shut against the pain that threatened to overwhelm her. "Please . . . forgive me for what I've done . . ." 

With those last words, she knew it was time to go. If she didn't leave now, then she'd never have the strength. With Tessa still in her arms, she hurried about the tiny one room apartment and gathered her few possessions. She left with Tessa's bag over her shoulder, her own suitcase in one hand and the baby carrier in the other. 

As she left the apartment, she refused to look back. She had to leave this all behind. It was the only way could ever keep going. Still, in her heart, she knew that she'd come back to this desolate place every night in her dreams. Something wonderful had come into her life in this place, and she'd never let that go. 

* * * * * 

"No!" Tess cried as she sat up quickly. She looked around to find herself in Carter's Jeep. Had it been a dream? God, it had seemed so real . . . 

"Tessie? You okay?" Carter asked quickly as he looked over at her. She was flushed and looked pretty disoriented. 

"I'm fine, it was just . . . just a dream," she said. 

"You don't look fine," he said. 

"I'm *fine*!" she insisted. 

"Fine, well, we need gas so I'm stopping at the next station," he said. She didn't respond. She knew that he was worried about her and she hated to put him through that, but trying to tell him what was going on would just be too hard at that moment. She wasn't really even sure herself. 

He pulled into the next gas station and got out without a word to her. She sat in the car, lost in thought as he struggled with the gas cap. 

"God dammit!" she heard him say and her attention was drawn back to the back window. She saw him bent forward and holding his hand as he cursed loudly. Quickly, she got out of the Jeep and ran around to her friend. 

"What happened? Are you okay?" she asked. She could see blood on the ground and her mouth went dry. 

"Fucking gas cap was stuck. I cut my hand on the damn thing," he said. 

"Let me see it," she replied. 

"It's bleeding. I need to go wash it off," he told her. 

"Carter, just let me see it," she insisted. He looked at her, then slowly uncurled his fist to reveal his wound. He winced as the air came into contact with the open cut. It was bleeding pretty badly and he was positive he'd need stitches. She reached for his hand and he yelped. 

"Damn Tess! Don't touch it, it hurts like hell!" he said loudly. 

"Just hold still," she commanded. She brought her hands both up to cradle his injured hand, then slowly ran her fingers around the edges of his palm. 

"What are you doing?" he asked. 

"Just relax," was her response. He watched as her fingers got closer and closer to the cut, but they never seemed to touch it. It seemed to be . . . to be moving away from her. He could hardly believe it, but it was true. As Tess moved her fingers closer and closer to the wound, it seemed to be closing on its own. Finally, when her fingers met in the middle of his palm, the cut was gone. Only some blood remained as evidence that the injury had even existed. 

"How the fuck did you do that?" he asked in shock. 

"I . . . I don't know," she said. She seemed just as startled as he was. 

"Well . . . have you ever . . . I mean, has that ever happened before?" 

"Um . . . well, not that, no. I mean, I've fixed things before . . . a scratch on a table, scuff marks on my shoes, a crack in my fingernail polish . . . but never a person. I . . . I didn't really know that I could," she confessed. 

"But . . . but . . . how?" he wanted to know. 

"I wish I knew that," she replied. 

"This is why you want to find your real parents. Because you can . . . do things," he said. She nodded and just looked at him. He stared at her a minute, then nodded as well. "Okay, we're going to find them. We'll get to Roswell and we'll find out who you are . . . together." 

* * * * * 

"Stop! There, something's there," Tess said. Carter pulled to a stop along the sidewalk and looked in the direction she was pointing in. They had been driving around the streets of Roswell for an hour now and he was glad they'd finally gotten a clue at least, but this still seemed a bit odd. 

"The high school? You think you're going to find the answers there?" he asked in confusion. 

"I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling I will. I feel like . . . I feel like someone in that building knows who I am . . . my parents might even be in there." 

Carter turned to look at her and shrugged. "Okay, if you say so then let's go." He cut the engine and they both got out of the Jeep, then began walking up the sidewalk. They passed a sheriff's car on the way past the parking lot and Tess turned to look at it, then turned back towards the school. She was sure that the answers were beyond these doors. 

* * * * * 

"Thanks for coming to talk to them, Sheriff. I'm sure the class was enlightened, weren't we?" Alex Whitman asked his tenth grade government students. They all nodded and mumbled their replies. The sheriff smiled a little and nodded. "Anytime Alex. See ya around." Alex waved goodbye to the man, then turned back to the chalkboard. 

"Okay, for your assignments tonight I want you to read chapter 11. When you come in tomorrow I expect you to all be able to tell me all about the branches of the government and what each of their purposes is, got it?" He was met with another chorus of mumbles and nods. Then, the ringing of the bell finally brought the bored students into action. "Don't forget to read!" Alex called after them as they all went shuffling out the door. He turned back to his desk and started putting away his books, thinking that it seemed like so long ago that he had been one of those kids in these very hallways and classrooms of West Roswell High. 

"Excuse me?" he heard behind him and turned to see a young man and woman enter his classroom. 

"Oh, hello. Um, can I help you?" he asked. He didn't know the two, but something about the girl was instantly familiar. 

"I'm not sure, maybe," she said. "My name is Tess and I'm looking for someone that I think used to live around here. In fact, she still might." 

"And you think I know her?" he asked in confusion. 

"Well . . . maybe. I just . . . I . . ." she wasn't sure how to explain it. She and Carter had just been walking down the halls and she got a very strong sense from this classroom. She just had to go inside. 

"Does this woman have a name?" Alex asked the girl. "I've lived here all my life. If she's from Roswell then I've probably at least heard of her." 

"Anna," Tess replied. "Anna McKenzie." 

"McKenzie . . . hmm, no, doesn't sound familiar," he said. "Is she your age?" 

"No, she's about 35, 36 maybe," Tess told him. 

"Well, then I don't think she's from Roswell, at least not originally. I'm about the same age and if she'd gone to school here when I did then I would definitely recognize the name," he said. 

Tess nodded. "Okay, thank you Mr . . .?" 

"Whitman, Alex Whitman," he said as he extended his hand. She and Carter both shook hands with the man, then turned to leave. "Well, another dead end," Carter said as they returned to the hallway. 

"No, I don't think so actually," Tess told him. 

"What? Why do you say that? You think he was lying?" 

"No, I don't. I just . . . he's connected to my mother somehow. I'm not sure how yet, but I know she's been here in Roswell. And, if I'm right about my feelings, then she still is." 

She looked at Carter, then turned back towards the end of the hall where the exit was. All he could do was follow. 

* * * * * 

"We've driven up every street in town practically. There's nothing. Maybe she left town, Tessie? Or maybe this is the wrong place?" 

"No, she's here, I can feel it," Tess told him. "I feel like we're getting closer to her," 

"I just think we might be chasing ghosts here Tes--" 

"There!" she said, cutting him off. 

"This one?" he asked as he slowed down in front of a small, white house with navy blue shutters. 

"She's in there," Tess replied. 

"How can you be sure?" 

"God Carter, I don't have any idea. I just *know*, okay?" He nodded and cut the engine on the Jeep. 

"The mailbox says Evans," he said as he looked out the front window. 

"Well, maybe she changed her name. Or maybe she got married." Tess looked at her friend and said, "I wonder if she ever married my father?" 

"Well, only one way to find out. Are we going in?" 

She took a deep breath and looked back at the house. This was it, she had never been more sure of anything in all her life. "Yes, let's go." 

* * * * * 

"You gave the landlord your keys?" he asked as she got into the car beside him. 

"Yes, I told Doris that I won't be back," she confirmed. 

"Did you get all of Tessa's things?" he asked. 

"Everything she'll need." 

"There's nothing in there that can lead her back to us, is there? Nothing that would tell someone else where she came from?" 

"Nothing," she replied. 

"I know this is hard. I'm really sorry that--" 

"Just drive," she cut him off. "I'd like to go ahead and do this before I change my mind." He nodded his understanding, then pulled the car away from the apartment building. 

She closed her eyes tightly as they got further and further from that place. She missed it already. She missed all the nights she had lay alone in bed in that one little room and stared up at the ceiling in thought. On those nights, she would rub her expanding belly and picture the child growing inside of her, the little girl that was now more real than she had ever imagined. 

She looked like her father, at least to her she did. She had his hair, his eyes, his smile . . . God she missed him. She missed the man he used to be when he would hold her tight in some secret place that only the two of them knew about and they'd just be together. It was in those stolen moments that she had fallen in love with him. She'd known him all her life, but suddenly, with her wrapped up in his warm embrace, he had become a different man than the one she thought she had known all along. 

"I love you," he had told her one night. She could still close her eyes and hear those words. She had really believed him that night, really felt the love he was proclaiming. But, she was sure that love was gone now. He could never love her again, not after all she had done, all she was about to do. 

"We're here," she heard him say from beside her. She turned to look at his sad eyes and just nodded. It was time. She had to let go. 

"I'll be back soon," she said as she gathered Tessa's things, then picked the baby carrier up and started for the door. He squeezed her hand, then watched her go. It was the saddest moment of his whole life. 

* * * * * 

"Hello Anna dear, come in," Ms. Heath said as she ushered the girl into her office. She smiled kindly at the girl and she tried to return the smile, but all she could manage was a grimace. 

"I'm sorry, I . . ." she stopped as the tears came again. 

"It's okay, dear, it's okay," Ms. Heath assured her. She handed the girl some tissue and patted her shoulder. When the girl had calmed down, Ms. Heath said, "The adoptive parents are already here, but you can have some time with her if you want. It's okay." 

"No," the girl shook her head. "I've said my good-byes. I need to do this now." She tried to remain strong, but the façade was fading fast. 

"I have the papers all ready for you to sign," Ms. Heath said and directed her to a chair in front of her desk. She pointed to the places that needed a signature and watched the girl sign them quickly. Then, she leaned down and picked the baby up out of the carrier at her feet. With tears in her eyes, she prepared to say her last goodbye . . . 

* * * * * 

A loud knock woke her from the terrible dream. She hated that dream. It was more of a memory, really, but she still hated it. She used to have it every night those first few years, then once every week or so, then once a month . . . She hadn't dreamed of that day in years now, though. So, why was it back all of the sudden? 

Another knock sounded and pulled her from her thoughts. She shook her head and rose from the couch to answer the door. When she opened the door, her breath caught in the throat. She knew in an instant why the dream had returned. 

"Um, are you Anna McKenzie?" Tess asked the woman as she opened the door and stood before them. 

"No, no I'm not," the woman replied. The girl's face fell a little, but something in her eyes told the woman that this girl was still not giving up. 'That's my Tessa,' she thought. 

"Do you happen to know her? Where we might find her maybe?" 

The woman shook her head. "You can't find her," she said. 

"Why not?" the young man finally asked. 

"Because, she doesn't exist," the woman replied. 

"Excuse me?" Tess asked. "What are you saying exactly?" 

"I'm saying that there is no Anna McKenzie. There never was. But, I know who you are and who you're looking for," she said. 

"You do?" Tess looked at the woman and a flicker of recognition passed over her face. 

"You're Tessa," the woman said with a smile. 

"Y-you're . . . you're her?" Tess asked in astonishment. Unshed tears flooded her eyes as she looked at the woman. "Are you Anna?" 

The woman smiled and nodded. "Yes, in a way. I'm not really Anna, but I pretended to be once. My name is Isabel Evans . . . and I'm your mother." 

* * * * * 


End file.
